Different From Me
by awakeningjenny
Summary: A Peyton and Rachel story - about love, loss and everything in between.


_... How does it feel? _

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. Have you ever been in a moment where you thought that life couldn't get any stranger? Like this moment, for instance. Lying on a bed with Rachel Gattina drinking tequila shots and talking about The Cure. We could have been friends, she was right, but if Brooke's loyal I'm a thousand times more so. So it surprises me when she leans over with a slice of lemon between her teeth, kisses me and I kiss her back. Blame the tequila. I roll onto my back and she comes with me, pressing down on top of me, her leg pushed between mine, her hands wrapped in my hair. She breaks the kiss, breathing heavily, her face flushed, and she smirks at me. I don't know what I'm doing. She eyes me for a moment and then rolls to the other side of the bed. _What was that?_ She doesn't answer, instead she stands and pours a couple more shots of tequila. She passes one over and I down it. It burns all the way but it at least distracts me from what just happened.

_Enjoy_. She smiles at me as she says it and through the haze of tequila I don't have the best feeling about this. Finding Lucas in my bed just confirms that Rachel is not somebody that can be trusted easily. She dropped me off at my best friend's boyfriend's room. Just for kicks, probably. Or to see how far she could piss off Brooke. I wake in the middle of the night to find Lucas had pulled me into his arms. He's warm, sweet, and probably dreaming of Brooke. Slowly, I wiggle out of his arms. This isn't where I need to be right now.

We don't win the Classic but that's not exactly unusual. Rachel doesn't get it. Doesn't understand how we can all just laugh about losing for the millionth year in a row. I manage to catch her as she's packing her car to leave. She glares at me as I walk over but I just grin until reluctantly she grins as well._ We would have lost anyway_, I tell her, it's practically a tradition for Tree Hill to lose the Sparkle Classic every year. As she slams the car shut, she starts to ask me something but she's interrupted. Brooke's watching us. And she doesn't look happy. I wait hesitantly for a moment until Rachel cocks her eyebrow in the direct of Brooke, as if asking what I'm going to do. I shrug slightly and smile, before walking over to Brooke. I can feel her watching me as I walk away.

A weekend away to heal. That's what this is supposed to be about. The cabin is large and opulent and exactly Rachel. It's hard to forget why we're here though, every time I stand I get a reminder. I drag out my sketch book and settle on the biggest window seat. It's not a surprise when she settles next to me. She's beautiful as I start to sketch her face. We're quiet for the longest time until Lucas interrupts, talking about woods and racing bikes and scaring the hell out of some cows. She winks at me before walking off. I think she knew I was watching her as she walked away. Pete arrives, Rachel greets him with a curt order for omelette _Do we like her? _he asks and I'm not sure if we do. I'm sitting on the recliner in the living room, Pete chatting away about the band and gigs and all the other things I'd love to hear about if Rachel wasn't sitting opposite me smirking. I try not to catch her eye, pretending to listen intently to Pete, but I catch myself looking at her. She knows; we lock eyes and her smirk widens. Something happens when I look at her. Something that can't be good. I suddenly stand, asking Pete if he wants to take a walk. She's laughing as we walk away.

Brooke was caught _brooking herself _by Rachel. It surprises me when a sliver of jealousy shots into my gut hearing this. It shouldn't. Brooke's my best friend, Rachel's... well, I don't think any of us are sure what Rachel is. The couples pair off, Haley falling asleep on Nathan, while Brooke looks like she's sunk into Lucas. Rachel walks off and as I follow her with my eyes, Pete asks if I'd like to find somewhere to talk. I tell him to give me a minute, leaving him laughing at something Lucas is saying, and follow Rachel out back. She's in the Jacuzzi and she looks tired, worse, she looks as if she's alone in a house full of people. I walk over hesitantly because now I'm out here, I'm not sure what to say. She gives me a small smile which I take as invitation to stay. _You ok?_ I ask, stopping to pull up my pant legs, so I can swing my legs into the water as I sit on the edge. _Does it still hurt? _I don't have to ask what she's talking about, she's looking at my leg. _Sometimes._ I say. She smiles sadly at me.

_I'm sorry, Peyton _she murmurs. I don't say anything for a moment, content to just sit outside and be still for a while. It doesn't last long. The back door bangs open and Brooke comes out. She's got the best timing. She notices Rachel and I but doesn't say anything except _Pete's looking for you, _I throw Rachel a quick smile before standing and making my way over to Brooke. She throws her arms around my waist, hugging me too her as we walk back inside.

Jake sends me away because I love Lucas. Of course I love him, just as I love Brooke and I love Haley, and even Nathan, but I don't _love _love him. Do I? Haley and Nathan watch us as Lucas confesses his love. _I think I have feelings for Lucas. _Brooke walks out of my room without a backwards glance. She's proud and haughty and all the things she should be. She's angry, more than that. She's furious. I glance at the sketch on my wall, three figures aiming for the heart, and I wish I could take it all back. I think I knew she wouldn't forgive this. I guess this is the end of what we were. It's funny but Rachel is the only one who thinks to ask me how I am the day of the wedding. Brooke ignores me, Lucas has Lucas issues, and I can't blame Haley and Nathan. She brushes my hand softly as she passes me on the way to the bridal room. I watch as she makes her 'Cooper' speech. Another problem Brooke caused. She rushes out of the tent and I'm tempted to go after her just as Cooper does. The next I hear there's been an accident.

She's propped up in the hospital bed. She looks surprised to see me. I sit down on the edge of her bed and gently take her hand. _Peyton.._ she says. I just smile and run my thumb over the back of her hand. Slowly her eyes begin to close and before I know it she's asleep. I lay her hand back gently onto the bed _We could have been friends, _I whisper before I walk out of the door.Brooke moves in with Rachel. It shouldn't surprise me how quickly Rachel went from number one enemy to number one best friend, I made the reversal just as quickly, but it does. I avoid them both. Lucas fills me in on Brooke-detail. I miss her. I catch myself dialling her number sometimes but I never press 'call'.

She walks into my room, as if she's done it a thousand times. _Rachel. _She slumps on my bed, grinning. I would never tell her but I'm actually pleased to see her. I start to grin as I look at her stretching across my bed. She tells me she's got these great tickets to see this great band and as Brooke would rather chew her own arm off than see a band that hadn't made it into the charts, she thought of me. I hesitate for a moment and she takes that moment to catch my hand and pull me across the bed closer to her. _Peyton_, she practically purrs my name. _Please? _Her fingers start to brush my arm gently and I realise that she's completely out in the open flirting with me. I'm tempted to laugh but instead I just nod my acceptance. _You won't regret it_ she says before kissing me quickly. Before I can even blink it seems as if she's off my bed and out of the door calling back that I won't need anything but my keys tonight. I hope I don't regret this.

The clubs dark and crowded, Rachel takes my hand as we weave through the people, pushing our way to the front. It's too loud to talk but she turns to me and smiles, squeezing my hand. I try and concentrate on anything but the feel of her hand entwined with mine. The band is fantastic, heavy and loud, she pulls me too her and as I'm pushed closer by the surging crowd, there's not an inch of room between us. With the band reaching the end of their act, she kisses me. This isn't like before, where I've been drunk, or it's been fleeting, this time it's different. We stand for a second just pressing together before she opens her mouth, her tongue darts out and licks my bottom lip, as if asking for an invitation. I part my lips slowly and she responds by kissing me harder. Her hands land on my hips, pulling me as close as possible, while she does amazing things to my mouth.


End file.
